Songs by The Defectives

We Eat Kitty Cats! Download: Defectives*Eat Kitty Cats.mp3  (2.6 meg)   View the lyrics to We Eat Kitty Cats!

This one made it to the Dr. Demento show and one of his CD releases. Take "Fish Heads" and combine it with "They're Going To Take Me Away!" and add some cat samples and you'll get this song. We completely blew out our voices for the last chorus. Cats sampled were: Paka, Neil & Chin-Chin. Man weilding the chainsaw was performed by Larry "Knobs" Nobile.

Party On Mars Download: Defectives*Party On Mars.mp3   (2.9 meg)   View the lyrics to Party On Mars!

This sounds like The B-52's meets Devo. (two of our favorite bands) Then take every cheesy sci-fi martian reference and sample it. Samples included: Marvin the Martian (most of the good quotes), War Of The Worlds, Carl Sagan & Arnold Schwarzenneger (from Total Recall) ACTUAL HELIUM was used to record the munchkin voices. (not some cheap digital effect, we almost passed out during this recording!) On guitars are Dave Chubet and Mike "The Rat" Jones. Dave Chubet wrote the music and Biks wrote the words for this one. Complete with a cheesy organ!

All I Got Download: Defectives*All I Got.mpg3   (2.7 meg) View the lyrics to All I Got

This is a song of cheap shots and low blows between the sexes. Ezia Marrone and Biks belt out a song AT each other. (Ezia and Biks broke up shortly after recording this song) It sure ain't a love song! On guitars are Dave Chubet and Mike "The Rat" Jones. Can you believe they actually were going out at the time!

No Means NO Download: Defectives*No Means NO.mp3   (2.8 meg)   View the lyrics to No Means NO!

Johnny and Biks come up with a million on reasons why you should say NO. (like offering to give your grandmother a sponge bath) Biks plays electric guitar for the first time on a recording. Dr. Demento played this one a few times on his show. Listen for Johnnys signature "Bip Bippata BIP" quote.

Ren & Stimpy Download: Defectives*Ren & Stimpy.mpg3   (1.1 meg)

We loved Ren & Stimpy when it first came out. (long before anyone knew who they were) We decided to record a tribute to the little fellas. Includes ALL of the great quotes from the original series strewn over a rockin' beat. This song was the second most requested song for that year on the Dr. Demento show. (the original "Happy Happy Joy Joy" song beat us out!)

The Jerky Boys Download: Defectives*The Jerky Boys.mp3   (1.3 meg)

We were hoping to catch some noterity off of the Jerky Boys when they first came out. We grabbed all of their great quotes off of their first album and stuck them into this song. This wasn't played on the Dr. Demento show, but was in Boston on WBCN and some other college radio stations. (which I have no idea on WHERE they got a copy of this song!)

That Guys' Nuts! Download: Defectives*That Guys' Nuts!.mpg3   (2.0 meg)

We decided to beat an old joke into the ground. (Man shouting at another person running away: "THAT GUYS' NUTS! GRAB 'EM!"*) This sounds like a Spike Jones record on acid. Other than the title, this song contains no words or phrases that make sense to ANYONE. Johnny does most the voices of an autistic person, Ezia Marrone does the voices of the sexy autistic person. * The joke explained: pronounced correctly, the phrase should mean: "That person with the genitalia..GRAB THEM."

Cutting Your Hair Download: Defectives*Cutting Hair.mpg3   (956k)

A bunch of Monty Python samples strewn over a funky riff. Stolen from The Barber Sketch and the Dead Parrot sketch.

The Football Song Download: Defectives*Football.mpg3   (6.9 meg)

We were trying out our new Digital Performer 2.3 software, so this arose. We came up with a bunch of riffs, then Greg Demina started improvising something about physically loving his football. Of course we had to run with it. (after wiping it off of course) Eric Bloom sings, Biks chants the "whoas", and Johnny moans something about his baby in Depends diapers.

The Free Song Download: Defectives*Free Song.mpg3  (2.4 meg)

We started to be concerned that Eric Bloom was including the word "free" in too many of his songs. We felt we needed to get it out of his system once and for all. Thus, the Free Song is about how many times we can work the word "free" into a song. Unfortunately, Eric still insists on using the word "free" in much of his material.

Major Surgery Download: Defectives*Major Surgery.mpg3   (3.4 meg)

Johnny and Biks created this backing track late one night. Biks had to leave to get some sleep, so Johnny continued with the vocals. The voice effect was done by recording the 4-track machine at double speed.

Goodbye Pee Wee Herman Download: Defectives*PeeWee Herman.mpg3   (2.6 meg)

This song is a tribute to the final days of Pee Wee Herman. The song is over-run with Pee Wee samples taken out-of-context from his movies and his TV show. We had hoped that Dr. Demento would play it, but apparently the Doc wouldn't play ANYTHING relating to the Pee Wee Herman masturbation scandle. (pro or con) We had gotten some airplay with this on Boston's WBCN radio staion.

Sears Sport Download: Defectives*Sears Sport.mpg3   (2.6 meg)

What do you do when you've got some backing tracks on your 8-track machine and no vocals? Give Johnny a Sears catalog and have him let loose! Johnny gives a spirited performance on the virtues of sporting goods. Biks just wants to be let outta here.

Video Sluts Download: Defectives*Video Sluts.mpg3   (2.3 meg)

Our first attempt at the miracle of double tracking background vocals. Something from the early days with our 4-track. What else can you do with Video Sluts but just sit there and watch?

Waitin' For A Rescue Download: Defectives*Rescue.mpg3   (4.8 meg)

This is one of our "normal" songs. Johnny and Biks just couldn't resist putting some "schtick" inside the instrumental breaks. Geoff Briggs does the newscaster announcer in the begining. The song is about a man who falls down his own emotional well. (and gets stuck down there)

Who the hell are "The Defectives"?
The Defectives are basically John and Eric screwing around with their MIDI equipment. Somehow we've never gotten around to making heartfelt love songs about all the women in our lives, (even though Eric has written a few malevolent ones about a some ex's) so we tend to make silly ones like these.

Eric got the bright idea to send some of the goofier ones to the nationally syndicated radio program called "Dr. Demento". The first one that got lots of airplay was "Ren and Stimpy" It was basically a drum beat with Ren and Stimpy samples thrown over it with us screaming "REN AND STIMPY!!" for a chorus. It ended up being the second most request song for 1992. (The original Ren and Stimpy "Happy Happy Joy Joy" song was number one and Weird Al Yankovics "Smells Like Nirvana" was third. Imagine that, I beat out the Elvis of novelty records on his own turf!)

Eric also got the bright idea to copyright his precious song under the title, "Ren and Stimpy". Well guess what, the name popped-up on some computer somewhere and the Nickelodeon network took offense to us using the name "Ren and Stimpy" for a crappy novelty song! They sent us a 'cease and desist' letter demanding to remove my copyright. Well folks, their rack viral corporate lawyers could easily kick the butt of my scrawny lawyer, so I quickly folded. Take a look at the letter they sent me if you want to see what one of these looks like.

View the MTV Networks' "Cut it our or we'll SUE your ass!" letter addressed to Eric. Dated: 0/0/93

We sent Dr. Demento another song called "We Eat Kitty Cats". It's kinda a cross between Barnes and Barnes' "They're Coming To Take Me Away!" and "Dead Puppies (Aren't Much Fun)". This one got on his fan club CD release and was played a bunch of times on his show. Since we had it copywritten and registered with BMI, we were entitled to some royalties for the airplay it received. Man I'm tellin' ya, there's some serious money to be made in the songwriting biz. Just take a look at my BMI statement from that quarter. I bet Paul McCartney would be impressed!

Download Eric's BMI royalty statement and admire the wealth of a rock musician! (9k)

The entire song is online in MPEG form. It's a mono file that when decoded, turns into a 14 meg file. (CD quality) If you don't have the hardware to play it back in real time, you can get a software based decoder online someplace. (You mean I gotta find the links for EVERYTHING?) :-)

Download the "We Eat Kitty Cats" promo pict sent to Dr. Demento. (28k)

We recorded some other tunes and have basically gotten nowhere with them. (i.e. "Goodby Pee-Wee Herman", "That Guy's Nuts", "Party On Mars", "The Jerky Boys" and "All I Got") We've posted below the promo sheet that we did for them, so take a look at 'em if you'd like. We'll eventually do some more stuff. At this point we just got a CD-R burner, so we have the capabilities to make a disk of our stuff, so if you have any interest in hearing more of this garbage, give us a shout on e-mail.

Download the "Songs That Never Made It" promo pict sent to Dr. Demento. (48k)